


Crashdown

by Enchantable



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Mutually Unrequited, Prayer, spoilers for 2x13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24744823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enchantable/pseuds/Enchantable
Summary: “I didn’t hear anything important,” Alex tells him quickly, “I didn’t want to eavesdrop,” he adds, “or interrupt,” he checks his mirrors, being more alert than possible, “look I’m sorry I have to go,” he says.“Alex—““I have to go Michael."
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 6
Kudos: 101
Collections: Something Cosmic





	Crashdown

The quiet sound of Michael’s voice isn’t a surprise.

It still makes Alex’s insides turn over.

He says he’s made his peace with how things have turned, how the pieces have fallen. But the wild hope that beat through his chest when he got told he was taken to get to Michael has forced him to reconsider. He thought he had grown out of wanting something so bad for him. Now he just feels like he’s take a huge step back. He still wants Michael. Some part of him does. But Michael is with Maria and Alex knows he and Michael still aren’t good for each other. And that’s the thing that Michael wants.

He knows he should announce himself but he lingers by the door, just out of sight. He knows that he’s allowed to be here, he’s a friend to both of them. But he doesn’t know if he has it in him to hear Michael telling her sweet nothings. Not after the past few days anyway. Maybe in a few more he’ll be able to put aside the wild hope and all his questions. Maybe in a few more he’ll be fine. It’s been a lie he’s told himself over and over but like anything if he goes a little bit at a time he’ll get there eventually. He’ll look back and wonder why it was hard at all.

“Our Father, who art in heaven—“

Alex’s throat closes.

“I can’t—shit,” Michael exhales shakily, “I don’t remember the rest. We haven’t talked in a long ass time. But don’t hold that against her. Just because it’s me asking, don’t take her okay?”

If it was taking baby steps, this is losing his balance. This is hitting the ground. He feels himself back in that pt room, bracing himself for the pain as his arms buckle and his legs fold. He knows the impact now. The first time falling is never the worst, it’s always the second. The pain focuses in his leg and he hates himself even more as the pain shoots through the missing limb and is joined by the thing he didn’t want to feel.

He’s jealous.

Maria is hurt, Michael is scared. Both of them have almost lost their lives and Michael’s lost his ship. And he’s standing here picking at scabs that are supposed to be closed. Michael had no way of knowing. No way of being thee—they weren’t even together. Michael is Maria’s boyfriend, he’s supposed to be there holding her hand so she doesn’t wake up alone. There’s no changing the past and no beating a dead horse.

Telling Michael how much he had wished for him to be there when he woke up will change nothing.

It will actually be more humiliation than Alex can stand right now.

“Please if you just let her stay I’ll find a way to make it up to you,” Michael says, “but you can’t take Max or Isobel, just so we’re clear. Or Liz or Valenti—“ he sighs, “you know the list. But I’ll do anything else.”

It’s odd sometimes what breaks a person. Alex has studied interrogation, he knows it varies. No matter how much they like to pretend otherwise, sometimes there’s no predicting it. But he can feel something in his chest. Not a break, he’s got plenty of those. This is more like a sigh, a final pulling apart. It hurts and behind it is a deep ache that settles into his bones like a permanent chill.

“Excuse me,” he catches a nurse, “I brought these for my friend, but she’s in there with her boyfriend and I don’t want to disturb them. Can you make sure she gets them? And tell her I was here?”

“Of course,” The nurse says, taking the flowers from him, “do you have id?”

Everyone is on high alert from Crashcon but it hasn’t been pinned on his dad just yet so he hands over his id. She looks at him and at his picture and nods.

“Thanks, and thank you for your service.”

Alex nods in acknowledgment as she takes the flowers.

When he’s outside with the sun on his skin, he feels like he can breathe again. Hospitals haven’t been easy for him but he’s not sure they’re supposed to be pleasant. Still he gets to his car and gives himself a minute to breathe. Also a minute for the pounding in his heart to stop. He forces himself to look only once at the door, he needs the confirmation that no one is coming after him.

Michael isn’t.

Alex grips his steering wheel and understands. He’s always understood what Michael meant by wanting to be good for someone. Maybe he’s also understood that he and Michael aren’t, but some part of him has clung to the hope they could be. He’s always blamed himself for what happened to Michael. That’s always made Michael hurting him his own fault. This pain is new. He can’t find the fault in himself. Alex is no stranger to pain but at the very least he knows what pain he wants to deal with.

This isn’t.

His fingers find his phone and he looks through his contacts. He doesn’t trust his voice so he sends off a text but for all his blue hair and attitude, Forrest isn’t a text guy. Alex still jumps when his phone rings.

“Yeah it’s still on, you want to do it?” Forrest asks and the excitement is enough to get Alex to lie about the adrenaline.

“Yeah,” Alex says, “I got an idea for a song.”

“Do you need help?” Forrest asks. Alex almost laughs at how big a yes that is, “with the song. It’s cool if not.”

“No, I’d love your help,” Alex says, “do you want to meet up in half an hour at my place? You can bring Buffy.”

“Sounds good,” Forrest says, “we’ll see you there.”

“See you there,” Alex echoes

He almost looks at the doorway one last time but the time for that has passed. Instead he puts his car in drive and pulls away. The nurse will tell them he was there so they don’t think he was a coward and he doubts that Michael will make the connection. Which is fine, he doesn’t really feel like talking to him at the moment anyway.

He has a song to write.

He’s surprised when his phone rings and not surprised. The silence on the other end is damning.

“Guerin?” He prods.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you from seeing her,” Michael says.

“It’s fine,” Alex tells him, “Maria’s a fighter, she’s going to be fine,” Michael says nothing, “look I’m sorry I have to go.”

“Oh, yeah,” Michael says and Alex finds himself annoyed at his tone.

“Have some faith in her,” Alex says, “she’ll come back to you.”

Michael exhales, sometimes he can be so perceptive. Sometimes he’s so blind.

“I was scared you heard that,” he mumbles.

“I didn’t hear anything important,” Alex tells him quickly, “I didn’t want to eavesdrop,” he adds, “or interrupt,” he checks his mirrors, being more alert than possible, “look I’m sorry I have to go,” he says.

“Alex—“

“I have to go Michael,” he tells him and hears him inhale sharply, “if you want to say anything about Maria’s health or my father or Helena or aliens go ahead,” Michael says nothing, “she’s going to be fine,” Alex repeats, “I have to go.”

“Yeah,” Michael says, “I’ll find a good spot for your flowers.”

“Thanks,” There’s a second of silence, “you’re going to be fine too,” Alex adds, “I’ll see you around.”

Before Michael can try to say anything else, Alex ends the call. He’s surprised at himself. Not lingering for Micheal to have another word is a new feeling. He’s not sure if he likes it or not. When he pulls up, Forrest is there early with his guitar, trying to coax Buffy out of the car before reaching in and hefting her out.

“Hey,” Alex says to both of them.

“Hey,” Forrest replies, “I was gonna walk her first,” he adds, looking at Alex’s face, “you okay?”

“I’ve been better,” Alex admits, “can I come with you?”

“Hey, you can always put it in the song,” Forrest suggests. Alex nods, “yeah, come on. Maybe she’ll go quickly to impress you.”

“She doesn’t look like the impressing type,” he admits.

“She’s not,” Forrest says, “that’s what my song is about.”

Alex laughs.

Which is strange, a few minutes ago he didn’t think he’d laugh again for a long time but given the look on Buffy’s face, he can picture it easily. Forrest grins in return as they fall into an easy pace around his house.

“Is it a country song?”

“Power ballad. What about yours?”

“I’m not sure yet,” Alex says, “I’m looking forward to figuring it out though.”


End file.
